God is bringing me out of the ashes to live again, a different person than before, seeking His will for me as I try to help other grieving parents and other survivors of suicide.
A Mother's Grief and Learning to Live Again
This is my story of losing a child and finding life again
A Mother's Grief and Learning to Live Again 
hugs
Hugs to you.. So glad your faith is in God
So glad to have met you through our journey. My faith in God has never been stronger.
My husband took his own life three months ago. We had been married 19 years. People also tell me I’m strong and sometimes I am, but I’m struggling with staying calm for my kids. My husband depression was very hard to live with and in some ways his death has brought relief from that tension, but I am angry so often and when I am tired my anger can get worse. I have three children. They helped me with jobs tonight, but when they turned their ears off our spoke rudely to me I find I don’t have the same willpower to parent well as I used to. I find myself not coping in front of them. I gave myself time out tonight until I could manage calmly again, but still snapped here and there. How long until I can manage my feelings better?
Rena, I’m sorry for not responding sooner. I took a break from all my electronics for awhile.
I am sorry for your loss. It will be a difficult journey. I cannot say when you will start to feel better or feel as if you can manage your emotions. I firmly believe what that healing comes from accepting and recognizing our feelings as we go through grief. I am not a trained counselor, but I have been through much counseling. I also assist with an online survivors of suicide support group.
Your feelings will change from day to day, and even jump all over the place in the span of one day. I am sure you have experienced this. My suggestion is to take each moment as it comes and not worry about the next thing you need to do. Ask for help if you need it, whether it be support, counseling, medication, or a friend to take a walk with you. Most friends want to help, they just don’t know what to do or say.
Kat