As the Years Go By

On Monday, August 18, 2012, it will be two years since you left this earth for your heavenly home. Two years that simultaneously feel like an eternity and just yesterday. In that time, I have cried, screamed, and mourned. I have also learned to smile, laugh and celebrate again.

You lived life so fully, living in the moment, more than anyone I’ve ever known. I’m so grateful that God gave you to me. Twenty-two years was not long enough. I wanted more. I looked forward to your bright future. My future was entwined with yours, as my life had been entwined with yours since the day you were conceived. Yes, I know exactly when you were conceived. I knew it without doubt that very day. You were the light if my life. When you died, that light died also. I knew that I must find a way to live life as completely as you did. I knew that I would have to go into the future without you. It’s unbelievable that for two years, I’ve been living without you.

It hasn’t been easy. It has been terribly difficult to find my way. I would like to tell you that I’ve done all the things we talked about, but I haven’t. I’m sorry, but it has taken me this long to learn to breathe again. It has taken me this long to accept your death. I have never believed that I know the true story. I thought that by now, I would know; but there are only bits and pieces of the story. I have accepted that I may never know. I’m not sure if that is because people are protecting themselves, or you, or maybe they feel they are protecting me. What I do know is that when I get to Heaven, it won’t matter. People tell me that I will learn the answer when I get to Heaven but, since there are no tears in Heaven, I don’t think there will be any reason to find an answer. I will finally have my future, an eternal one, with you. Nothing else will matter.

You are the most precious part of me. I know you live on in my heart. My love for you grows every day. Death cannot separate you from my love, nor me from your love.